Quel surprise, lost again. But really a rather lovely problem being lost in the champagne region, miles and miles of beautiful rolling vineyards, names of all the old Champagne Houses discreetly marking the entrance to grand family dynasties, weather gorgeous, scenery gorgeous, the village we are lost in.. also gorgeous. We carry on, hopeful of establishing where we are, but once again, upon arrival at the point of ‘STOP ONZO!!’ (campsite spotted), we find ourselves asking the receptionist, who will henceforth be known as Campsite Captain Incapable Woman, which town we are in, and it turns out we made it to Epernay after all. Also turns out it was lucky she managed to get even that bit of info correct. And not like we could really check what with it being a €5 euro for an hour (a hour!) wifi charge. Seriously?! It’s not even the Noush budget that’s the problem, it’s the principal of the thing. Still, the campsite seems lovely, sun is shining, all is well.
Campsite Captain Incapable Woman says there’s a light show on the Avenue de Champagne tonight, Noush wants to go, Jon can’t be arsed. Campsite Captain Incapable Woman gives us a map and the route for a lovely river walk that takes you into Centre Ville and to said Avenue. Light show starts at 10:30pm she says, a half hour walk she says. Quick easy walk, take the Moo, see Epernay by night, have a drink and wander back Noush says. Jon acquiesces. We leave for town at about 9.30pm. Approximately four days later, dehydrated, exhausted, footsore, we arrive at the Avenue de Champagne. Light show over. Bars closing. And then, of course, we have to walk back. Noush is not popular with either Jon or Moo at this point. And no light show. Why don’t the French stay up later? Surely they should be up til all hours drinking Champagne until it’s coursing through their veins, plotting their latest extravagance?
So. We walk back. It’s actually a wonderful place: classy, stylish and dignified, redolent of the money but not crass with it, the streets bathed with a Champagne atmosphere, the names of the Champagne Houses smiling benevolently, luxuriously and totally unassailably down at us. Oh for a drink of anything! Unable to find a single bar or shop at which to buy a single drop of liquid. Dehydration levels critical, (who knew you could die of thirst in the champagne region?), everybody limping.
Mcdonalds, yes it’s that bad, saves the day. 20 Litres of Fanta later and we’re all ready to take on the world (11.30pm, good time for world domination).
Get back to the campsite and it turns out that Campsite Captain Incapable has pulled yet another blinder. We are locked out. No access after 10pm unless you have a code. She did not give us a code. We have no code. What we have is a perimeter fence, a Campsite Captain Incapable who tells you to go to town for something that starts at 10:30pm (it didn’t), tells you it’s half an hour away (it wasn’t) and fails to tell you that the campsite is inaccessible after 10pm without a gate code (it very much is).
So to sum up; we have paid a small fortune to sleep somewhere that we can’t get access to because we went to see something that wasn’t there.
Longing gazes at Onzo, so close and yet so far, how does one get a Moo over a perimeter fence? Moo is going to need a bigger doghouse within which to live forever, but let’s face it, if he’s anything like us two he won’t be able to find it and when he does he won’t be able to get in.
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